Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i will never coherently bang her
How's work?
Spinning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
