So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
