i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
