Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
