i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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