Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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