Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
