i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
