Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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