Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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