: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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