my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
