Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize