He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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