My room smells like vodka and shame
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
