I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
