please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
