i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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