so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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