i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
