Where did you get a picture of my penis
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
