Nicole vs. Life
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
