guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
