As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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