Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
