We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
True strength comes from lack of pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
