It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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