i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
