she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize