she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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