I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
