Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
