I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
