Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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