the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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