We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
