WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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