She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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