I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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