I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
