I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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