Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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