Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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