Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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