Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I understand Curling. That high.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
