Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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