with your own penis?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
