My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
