Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
