Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
