White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
