you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
