You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
