I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
