I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
