i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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