guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
