i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
