happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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