You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize