yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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