Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
