I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
