: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
