I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
