how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
