on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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