Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
