he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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