Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
