what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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