my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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