K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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