I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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