uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
