i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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