i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
