Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
this hospital has no fireball
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
