Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
