Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
