apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
